I didn’t receive an e-mail invitation to the second round of the 2011 Walt Disney World’s Mom Panel yesterday. In all actuality I was actually expecting not to receive one. As I read my first round answers after I submitting them I realized they were very flat and just not me.
Was I upset about not getting an invitation? No. I think that I was more concerned about not being upset than I was about not getting the invitation to the second round.
So, why wasn’t I bothered by not moving on to round two? This is something I have dreamed about forever. Then I realized I have lost me over the last year or two. I didn’t have the drive or the desire this year for the Mom’s Panel nor much else in life.
I have been caring for everyone and everything else and not an ounce of it was caring for me. I have been living or existing for everyone else. Don’t get me wrong I love what I do – caring for my children, volunteering at the kid’s school, PTA, working when I can, starting a parent group at the kid’s school, getting the volunteers for everything, being the go to mommy for everyone ….. It seems to be what keeps me going most days.
But, somewhere my passion and drive for the joy in life has been lost. This is my quest to find it. I don’t know where this next year will take me but my challenge to me is that one year from today I want to be able to say, “I am living my life completely and loving each and every moment.”